katrina, i just needed to email you before i crashed for the night.

i need to let you know as i prepare for my journey into the dream realm in
utter depression and realization of the hopelessness of the world...

what you said to me today...

they were the purest, 
most true, 
kindest,
warmest,
most comforting words
i have heard in all of my life.

you have kept me alive and though you probably do not know it, i have loved
you since i first began messaging you on icq way back when and you were
applying for a job at bk.  my soul was disolved in love for you as i spoke
with you on the telephone that night that luap, ryan and i were all on
k3t@m!n3 and you were on dr@m@m!n3 (6 of them, as i recall).  indeed, since
i first heard mention of you and your comerade'ship with the third plateau
message board, i felt *something*.  i knew that you were to play a role
more significant than i could then fathom.  maybe i still do not fathom it
or fully understand it.  but though important, that is not for this
statement.  that same soul of mine was shattered in eternal bliss as luap
(intuitive, psychically rooted luap...good ol' luap) said to me with an
all-knowing, divinely connected glance, 'elf, you and katrina are going to
end up together' (<---this was immediately after we finished talking on the
phone that night and i told luap that i was in love).

you are my salvation katrina.  i love you so dearly and words do no
justice.  i am more grateful to you than i can ever express or know how to
repay.  so please, i beg of you (on my knees), accept my unconditional,
eternal love as the geatest gift i know how (and am able) to give.  

when you said those words to me today...
i sunk into that bliss again 
(spike in the vein)
i touched god 
(a randomly spoken and aimed, abstract label directed at the intangible,
unfathomable bliss of the eternal light of purity) 
i became god
you became god
and we were god together
and we were no longer one lover
and two
we were one
one lover
one love
forever
undying
fed by the bliss of eternity 
(am i repetative?  does it matter?)
fed by love
we are love
one love

i shall never let you down.  my word.  on my life.  on my purpose.  on my
soul.  i shall never let you down.  and if one tear fall from your eye,
guided by the wings of heaven, let me catch her.  let me breathe her.  let
me become her.  and let heaven (not 'heaven' in the christian sense) use me
as a tool to heal every scar, every wound, every pain within you and
without and every one to come.  i love you.  what i feel for you is true,
unconditional love.  love is the ultimate medicine of healing.  please do
not deny my love.  it is all i have to give and giving this love is my
lifeline and if i were to be stabbed in the soul for giving this love, i
should spend an eternity in the hell of my own mind.  

i love you
always and ever
let us become eternity
and become love
and love for eternity.

i long to hold you
and never let go

and your warmth 
filling my soul's veins
filling every inch of my mind, body and spirit

the warmth of your love

i would die for you

i do not ask the same of you
i do not WANT the same of you
i only want to give myself fully to you and your love

so grant me the divine privaledge
of serving you
of healing you
of loving you

grant me the divine role
of your servant
your shaman (your healer)
your eternal feast of love

i am yours

my love and life eternally,  

elf   

/***weigh me down until i lose my float***\
   /***in your shallow mere of misery.***\
- elf