From: Dexter McThorphan To: vorpal20@hotmail.com ; katrina@noun.org Subject: crazy night.... Date: Tuesday, December 22, 1998 9:58 AM well, i'm awake & feeling like i'm clubbed by a brick-bat. same effect i got the last time i took a gram-sized powder dose. (4th seems too heavy too enjoy) i dropped the gram around 5:25, said the prayer to the four directions, and prepared to make a bit of a journal. here's how that went: 5:25pm--Journey of 1,000,000 miles begins with a single step. Hope to see everyone there. Think i'll start with a quick call to everyone. (that made for something interesting l8r. the only one i could reach at the time was nathan. seemed surprised as hell when i called him! now if only katrina could have seen me when she called me!) 6:02pm--Well, that didn't take long. Left 1 message, & talked to another. Drinking some orange-pine-banana juice & loving it. Good stuff. =) (yes, i've been punctuating my writing with faces since i've been in the chat room!) 6:05pm--Craving a cigarette. Left 'em downstairs. I'll slowly forget about 'em soon...I hope so, anyway. 6:10pm--Got ½-glass of water after I drank the juice. 6:25pm--Waiting semi-patiently for the voyage. Keeping calm knowing that 20% of digestables pass through the stomach wall. The other 80% is absorbed by the intestines (or gets dropped like a bad habit!) =P 6:27pm--Speak of the devil...that's noticeably different! Feeling better! 8P OH YEAH--that's it. Right there.... 6:35pm--(feeling quite fried) Whatta difference. Blitzed (getting that way). So this is how long it takes me to get through a cap & get the goodies. Gives me gas, too! =) 6:40pm--Can we say "HOLY CRAP." I'm loopy, just like I like it. gonna be FUBAR. let's hope that we all meet and learn from this. Starting to get how, but I have goosebumps. 6:44pm--starting to develop world's worst abdominal pressure. Keeping my eye on puke-bucket. =) 6:47pm--Hardest stuggle--kan't keep the light off & trip 'cause I can't write. If I turn the light off (off is scratched out & on is written above), I don't trip as well. I'm shaky & confused, but I'll get over it...just soared past 2p & up. Becoming quite dissociative. (scratched out & re-wrote dissociated.) 6:55pm--esoteric, divine, beautiful thing how the pressure within me is the flip side of the coin. I might explode under this gravity. having a hard time focusing. (can we say fucked?) 7:00pm--I am the way! Eat this--do in rememberberance of me (this didn't have to do with Jesus-like visions, i was flashing back to when i tripped and watched the hellraiser series & when pinhead walked in a church in hellraiser III--imagine how i felt) X:XXpm--mathematics is a key to a universal language. (some scribbles) is getting (scribbles) 7:17pm--OK--*rest is illegible. from there i proceeded down the spiral. that was all messed up & freaky. at least at those doses i don't worry about nausea so much 'cause i know after a while, i'm gonna be numb from the neck up & i won't worry about it. what happened after that is all confusing. there i was lying in bed in the dark & someone came in with a phone. it seemed that i was at the bottom of a well & she was at the top. she said, "it's katrina--do you want to talk to her?" i thought, "sure, why not." i grabbed the phone & this is what i remember: Me: Hello? Katrina: Hello. Me: Hello? Katrina: Hello. (this went on for quite some time, i think) my next memory was that nobody else was in my room and that i put the phone up to my ear & didn't hear anyone. not paying it any mind, i proceed to "hang up" the phone next to my ear on the bed. (i was told later that i never hung up the phone) i was drifting off and seeing all kinds of odd visions. i was floating into other houses & my "computer lab" downstairs. i was yelling for my roommates to see if i was floating above the computers. oddly enough, this isn't the first time for this (on dxm). then, it got weird. i saw myself floating in space with the milky way galaxy as a backdrop. particles were floating around me in space keeping me company as i went to this big ship and... ...MY STRAIGHT-EDGE FRIEND D1. walks in. (buzzkill!) "hi! how ya doin'? ain't it a little early to be in bed?" (nobody ever saw him walk in the front door, or else they would have diverted him) this was hell. i think he's a great guy & all, but of all times, NOW??? ugh. so i had to pull myself up & try to sit up, pupils filling my eyes & rocking back & forth. "uhh...wwwhhhhaaaaattt doooo yoooouuu wannntt?" "i just came over to see what you were doing? ya hungry? we can go to ihop & get some pancakes or just shoot the shit!" (i then thought, "i have to tell him or else he won't go away! (poor guy)" "iiii juusttt toook aaa bigbigbig doose offff dxm (i've told him about my habits). reeeally big. so big u can fall in it! 's big. i can't move. stuck to the bed. at least 'til tomorrow. yup." d1. proceeded to stay & catch me up with his life's experiences. i closed my eyes & saw space & beasts & god knows what, all the while saying, "huh? yeah. uh-huh! nope. what? oh...ok." pretty much my usual, i-know-i-can't-hear-them-but-i'll-at-least-act-like-i-can-hear-them conversation. i got good at those when i was engaged. =) he eventually took off. he asked me if he wanted me to turn the light off. he said i said, "does a bear shit in a tree?" needless to say, he laughed at me all the way out the door & i couldn't figure out why. (oops) i finally got my shit together & was able to focus well enough to get out of my body. once i did, things (all cevs by now) started to move faster & faster. rushing quicker & quicker building to a head when suddenly: i saw all of us in a pasture, sitting facing each other in pairs. like a square, i guess. katrina gave me a big hug. i said hi to the other two. i couldn't hear a thing anyone said, but we looked like we were getting something out of it. suddenly, there was a knock at the door. DOOR? WHAT DOOR? THERE'S NO DOOR HERE! then i opened my eyes to hear, "dude--are you in there or what?" my friend d2. had stopped by. dammitdammitsonofabitch. dammitdammitsonofabitch. why me. so i tell him to come in (watching the world tilt as my right eye seems to take a 15 degree turn to the right). he starts telling me about how i had some late charges at a local movie place we use for our porno fixes (we share an account number). i was like..."huuuuh? yeah? sorry--'bout that...i'll get the money out..." (proceeded to stumble & fall around in my bed trying to get up). he then says, "dude--you're still in your robe?" i said, "yeah, man...i took a gram." d2. has done dxm with me once before & he liked it, but he only did a low 2nd. there's now way he could get a grip on this feeling (or lack thereof) that i had. he said something else. i said, "took a whole FUCKING gram. haven't done this since....(brain trails off again)" finally he looks at me and says, "dude--don't worry about it. i'll get it from you later." i was like, "that's cool, man." d2 leaves & i veg out again. i start seeing movie-like cevs of cops coming in with guns & busting my ass for contributing to the deliquency of a minor & shit like that (d2 is a criminology major, so that may have had something to do with it). i then had visions of walking around in an orange suit & pressing license plates & other dumb shit like that. freaked me out really bad, but i still didn't do anything reckless (probably 'cause i was damn near numbed by this point). believe it or not, i also visualized that nathan was dead. after that, katrina flipped out & i got shipped down south to stand trial. nothing like going from one jail to another. =( all the while, people on the third-plateau talked about me as, "the dumbass that did that dumb shit--you know, the so-and-so case a while back...." great. my 15 minutes of fame & i'm known as the guy that made dxm scheduled. paranoia makes for freaky trips, eh? that eventually went away, but after that, my visions were tanked for the night. i got up & it was 10:55pm. i got up after several attempts & grabbed my medicine so i could take it. after that, i decided to lie down again (right after i fell onto my bed). =) from here, i trailed off into occasional visions of marc saying, "it'll be ok, just go with it." and katrina running up to me to give me a hug. odd how my mind likes to go hot & cold on me, eh? I again got out of bed at 2:00am & by this time, i wasn't hallucinating all that much, just your basic 2p cevs. my eyes were wide enough to fall into & i had a good feeling for how infants looked at the world. no wonder they're easily scared! shit looks bigger when your eyes are that wide! i had an interesting conversation with my roommate. he was telling me about how he was going to wait 'til tomorrow to dex & i was saying, "i don't care if i wait for a month. i'm burnt & freaked. i need to take some time off." later, i remembered i was going to dexmeet, so i decided to wait until dexmeet to take time off. i sat up for a couple of hours, 'til the odd feeling in my head went away, my vision went back to normal, and i went to bed. so much for a meeting of the minds. the next time i try this, i'm gonna put a sign on the door that says, "GO THE FUCK HOME!" damn. just my luck, ya know it? i try to astrally meet people & the damn physical people come over. i couldn't get 'em to come over any other time, you know it? murphy's law, i guess.... ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com