wednesday april 14 1999
i woke up today at 8:20 and felt very awake. as it turned out, i was able to spend an hour in my bedroom listening to music, laying in bed happy, and so on, until i couldn't stand it anymore and i got up and showered and washed my face, went back into my bedroom. got dressed.
walked out into the living room, greeted my father and Norm Vandiver good morning, and by that time it was around ten fifteen in the morning. (norm was here visiting talking business and such)
so after saying good morning, while holding my medicine balls, we shot the breeze the 3 of us a few moments and somehow established that around 11:30 we'd be heading out to Taj Mahal to have lunch. you can imagine that Taj Mahal is an Indian restaurant.
so after that i walked out the front door and sat on the front porch a short while, saw my neighbors Gene and Shirley (both in their 60's or later), and spent quite a bit of time shooting the breeze with them. i love old folks. you never know what they gunna start talkin about next. shirley showed Gene and i her hot tub she got from an aquaintance of some sort, whose husband had the hot tub but passed away and the nameless aquaintance didn't want to keep the hot tub.
Gene is so great. he told us about our neighbor, who has a chiqqen and a bunnydog happened to come into possession of a (yes!) bunny!. bunny. it's very funny, because the dog hops like a rabbit, and the bunny chases the chicken around the yard. it's a very old dog. i thought it died once, but it appeared again.
anyway i came back home after a while, did some schoolwork, and then went to lunch with norm and my father. very good lunch, i made substantial eye contact with a handsome east Indian gentleman having lunch there, and the hostess had on a very beautiful Indian garb. i actually asked her where she got it, and she told me she got it in India, i asked her if they had any places in phoenix where a person could get a dress with embroidery and beadwork.. she said phoenix doesn't have a very good selection, and california has nice dresses but they're too expensive. in terms of Indian dress shops.
on our way home i saw a arizona department of transportation truck. it apparently had come to put our street sign back up that had gotten blown off by a windstorm, WHICH COINCIDENTALLY, JON HAS A PICTURE OF.
i went out to the two fellas, one who was so redneck it wasn't funny (missing teeth and his english was just not understandable, kinda like the one dude on King of the Hill but with the appearance of a large brown fat man) and a rather normal fella whom i asked, "can i have this?" in reference to a mangled street sign (N PLEASANT ST) that probably got knocked down or run over by a car or something. anyway he said yes just as long as i said i just found it :)
so the street sign. the shape it is bent into. i see in it, a mother sitting on her heels. and so i had my daddy bring me to Kmart after schule so i could pick out a baby to put in the mother's lap.
is it a babydoll sitting on a street sign?
is it a $5 piece of plastic and fabric MADE IN CHINA by slave labor and autonomous machines nestled in the arms of a struggling mother underpaid and abused by the child's father.
it is many things.
extremely successful conceptual art in my eyes.
thursday april 15 1999
journal 3 is bad. it is very bad. i will refer to it as the bad journal. i will also sniffle, smile, and promptly go lay down. perhaps sleep. perhaps lay there dreaming, awake. the last track on the Eagle-Eye Cherry album Desireless is the most delightful instrumental. i reread the Scripture of the Golden Eternity (Kerouac) on Sunday, not to mention visiting with divinity, making friends, and delighting in the exchange of information betwixt friends. ah life. ah. i find myself with a million things to say, but also very tired, and rather happy. i'm happy. it feels damn good. let's go.
and if you haven't yet, GO SEE THE MATRIX. awesome fighting choreography between Reeves and Fishburne. luv fishburne. pee wee's playhouse featured lawrence fishburne as a cowboy. connect the dots, la la la la. okay i stop rambling now.
(later this very day) i am sitting in the study room of excel. this is the first time i have ever brought henry to school. if you don't know who henry is, he's my puter. and if you don't know who henry is you oughter read journal uno for the skinny. i digress. a great deal, as a matter of fact. as for why i am in school, i can only say i'm a teenager and it's necessary for more reasons than i care to speak of. so stay with me and i'll have it made. i think i have snapped into an awesome two steps forward one step back kinda situation. maybe again. god i'm so repetitive. however, if you've been familiar with me for a while now you'll note i went through a
very big growth phase in the summer of 98. i had been enlightened, and remained that way for a few months. however over the course of these few months i grew to find myself more attached to material things but i feel i am getting over it again. it feels so awesome, ti be myself again. and to think, the only anti depressant i am on is not even what the doctor prescribed. wait. i won't go there. i'll save it for an essay.
happy tax day.
well you think it's just a wiseass remark, eh? (in humphrey bogart accent) Well I TELL YA, things are gunna change around your cornah. thingz gunna start ta get weird, an'na thingz gunn' be much trippiyah, cause i, i, i'm gettin down with my miqs.
here's what's happn'n in ary-zone, katjoh is chillin in my home, all giggly-like and piggy-like from here to al-a-bam-a. so listen to my tek-no jam-uh. and taste the toast with jam-uh. 'fraid i'm ain't from al-a-bam-a, comin' to ya, disqo jammah.
you know i try to relate, better punctuate, and still i can't sing no more bananarama. i like cocoa pebbles, like hannah barbara, i'm far beyond the fact that i'm not wearing pants, cuz i'm singing in the shower, check ya from the control tower.
what happened to good ol r&r, why is this your thing, this is so bizarre!? i find myself laughing, we're all shakin the car! and if ya hear me in the balcony shout "look out below, man!" katjoh will shake it down so take it from the top, so check your toe.
"and now, here with a bit of sanity, is miss kat johnson."
i think that i have achieved a large step toward enlightenment. watch out; i get extremely weird whenever this happens. fortunately, you can be well aware ahead of time that this is a good thing. ugh, calves' flesh isn't exactly the most delightful handkerchief, but i conveniently caught that flying plegm with a coincidentally nearby bit of flesh. oh man, i am scaring me, but it's a delighted ph33r. ohgawd i need to fixate my level of self centeredness. oh yeah this is a journal, i'm "supposed" to be spewing out my feelings. *whack on the head* i suppose i need to partake in the chore of dressing my lower half.
i love your pajamas, sire.
comin from my chair, brushin my hair, happen to like rhyme and rythm, in this game we'll win 'em! da-a-ance now, thank you for your pants now, don't look at me cause you know that i ain't stealin'
Howcome the fact that a friendship is demonstrated can suggest unnacceptable behaviour (in the minds of some), in the case of a 15 year old girl amiably spending time making friends with a 29 year old man?
"How can this girl possibly develop an honest and trusting friendship with a man nearly twice as old as her," (it's a bug in my matrix, my original thought was, "How can a a girl this age possibly develop an honest and trusting friendship with a man 19 years older than her?")
i lost the shpiel i was about to write. finding a glitch in my matrix like that is scaring me the more i think about it, man i am laughing so hard, (brain knocking on the inside of my skull) "Are you crazy?" (nods). oh man i love it when bestowed upon me is a pie plate to my nose. am i not the cutest Faerie in Americky-Land?
"Sir, you do not have permission to search me for the same reason my right to refrain from anything that incriminates myself exists in (the bill of rights). you do not have the right to assume you can determine there is reasonable suspiscion i am partaking in anything illegal due to suspiscious behaviour and appearance." -from katjoh's rant #1 ~or~ The Weed Essay
i just realized that people used to frequently email me because they read my journal. i just now noticed that the frequency of such emails has entirely shrunk to nothing, but i have a feeling that's gunna change again.
i hope i will eventually get tired enough that i will get my eager and "witty" journalist of a self into a bed cause i need some figgin' sleep.
Friday, April 16, 1999
so i have a friend a great deal older than me. it's amazing how i met him. i had forseen, the day i met him, that at the fair i was to attend, i would meet a person that i would address by calling him "teacher" when i saw him. and indeed, i met a gentleman, who i not only recognized from some outrageously ethereal foriegn knowledge, but was, indeed, a teacher. i met him and had the most incredibly interesting conversation and discussion, having immeddiate parallels, one after another. i told him my phone number but did not write it down for him, (and of course, he forgot it) and he didn't have a phone. unfortunately, we had been so enraptured in our conversation that the only contact information i gave him was my address (which he probably forgot as well), and he did not give me his exact address because i only asked him "where do you live?" and his reply was "you know where thus and such a street is? it's over by the church on the street?" and i answered, "Yes, i love the church on the street, i went
there a couple of times and enjoyed the fellowship but for no reason i can recall, i haven't thought to visit them since long before i moved out of state and also began to prefer not to commit myself to any religious form of thought. i then shpieled my tush into the unknown until it came time to depart, when i met up with my party whom i had seperated with to approach this teacher gentleman. it wasn't until we said our best farewells that my best friend handed me my jacket and said, "thought you might've gotten cold, since it got dark." in my inner jacket pocket, was my camera. after that saturday, the 26th of november of 1998, i didn't see this particular forementioned gentleman until none other than Good Friday, on which date at approximately 6 in the evening i came into contact with this identical not to mention very exact same person, (of all places) leaving the men's facilities at Kmart. this, my friends, is the life of Katrina Kidwell Johnson (who just so happens to be the person who is
communicating with you via HTML format on this lovely wee morning hour of 3AM.
i find that the more intelligent and clearly thunk ideas i have, that i am more easily distracted, but i'm not bothered by it. i also find that i sleep a lot less than i used to. this does bother me slightly but i have never had any sort of control over my circadian rythm, but i deal with it. speaking of which. i shall partake in unconsciousness promptly.
except i also want to mention that i now have not one, but *two* tickets to NOFX at the Armory on the 27th of this April, whose opening act are the Swingin' Utters. (!)
thoughts keep nagging me. i just realized that nearly an entire human gestational period has passed since the last time i have been intimate with someone.
note to reader: forementioned 3d conceptual art has been further concieved, i'm currently contemplating the title, "industrial mother & thread of hair" and a photograph will hopefully be available by next week. i will probably put it for auction on a donation basis on the main page of noun.org. what i'm thinking about doing is having a silent auction for about 2 weeks but it will be held by allowing people to write me and explain what the piece means to them, and the person who tells me the most mind-blowing, exciting, or honest thing, will pay COD for the postage and nothing more. but this is gonna take a lot of thought, because i'd want people to make their request anonymously and that's complicated; and also i will be entering it in an
art contest soon, and if it does well i might give it a little more exposure before i give it to someone who appreciates it. i think it is unlikely that i will keep it in the long run because of the nature of what i have personally expressed in the piece, but i don't want to explain the piece until i have heard some comments about it first.
i just braided my hair, and attempted to finish it with a red rubber band that broke when i stretched it. i picked up a second red rubber band, which also broke, but picked up a third green rubber band (that came out of the same package and was seemingly identical except for the color), and proceeded to successfully fasten my braid. i knew that the reason the red rubber bands broke was due in combination to a change in humidity and to slight but sufficient chemical differences in the rubber band, although i didn't come to that conclusion through any analysis of the damn rubber bands at all. i just knew. suddenly i get the sensation that foreign knowledge is abundant in my mind, however, i've not yet discovered it by chance or effort. the ability to understand the knowledge always existed, and the potential to deduce amazing things from seemingly ordinary events never ceased to exist. i just wish i better understood why my life seems to be a strange bag of chaos. but again, i remember that ironically,
the only true stability there is in nature (or in reality) is the fact that the world is chaos. this is a realization that brought on an amazing growth spurt in me last summer, but unfortunately, a series of events in my life which i suddenly understand objectively (thank my lucky stars) although, at the time of the events' occurence, my actions and reactions to things were not so logical. i find it unfortunate that it happened, depression is not something i find very fun, but i find it very fortunate that i am learning from the situation.
my stomach growls but i do not hunger. i will fast today, and hopefully finish the Dhammapada for the first time. speaking of which, i have also gotten a start at reading the new american version of the bible. i told my father that i had decided to read it from the beginning to the end, not only as an excercise in self-discipline, but also because it would be an accomplishment that i would probably learn a great deal from. so much so that i don't dare predict anything about it, because i shouldn't expect anything from the bible since my aim is to not only read it, but to understand it and objectively analyze it as well. i have always found it beneficial to attempt to understand something before analyzing it..
Saturday, April 17, 1999
last night i protested at the teen maze at the spur of the moment. I really wish I didn't have such a terrible problem with digression in my writing, but I am writing about last night's events in rant 2 or Katjoh's First Protest. at this point in time it is not finished but i'm working on it. peace.
Monday, April 18, 1999
yesterday, a bazillion things happened. wow. but fortunately I woke at 6:00 AM this morning, and I will have time to jot it all down.
just not right now. I have email to attend to.
agh, i need to go take a shower. i haven'te bathed since the 17th and my hair is absolutely messy. last night I saw the matrix again and i understood every single minute. WOW. :D
i wonder if Nathan and I will fall in love again. perhaps.
four oqloq on this very day. april Tuesday. the 19th. :D
i am a multitasking machine. and delight. very funny, high in my sight. the things on my eyeballs are molecules, and i think philosophy would be a good thing to talk about with Jim Turner. Sunday I met a girl I knew in a past life. Man, I love experiences like this. by the way, I am not naive.
oh my god saturday, the 21nd of may
i have been detained in a mental hospital for nearly a month. i'm still alive. life is hard and so are you.. i am on meds now.. and i live with my mother now..
sunday 22 may 1999
oftentimes i find myself sitting in airports rather bored, waiting. but why do i bore myself when i have my only mechanical infallible companion. i have recieved some really great support from those of my friends who know about my current situation. life, what's life? children, lollypops, plastic toys and a plastic fake baby. my artwork left in the dust and my life in boxes and bags thrown away behind me that i might bloom forward. time is limited.
monday may 31, 1999
i have a bunny. her name is chicken.
i am the happiest i have been in months. i have best friends, and i have love from within again. i have hopes and dreams again. i feel fit and limber, mentally and physically. or something. bunny is the cutest cute ever to have cuted. must talk to Nathan. must must must. and i tried a tobacco free cigarette the other day. it was odd. it was good. i don't believe i'll smoke all too many of them though. they're $5 a pack. i have a loft bed. i have a camera with no film. i have a playstation!!!!! i am getting through rayman right now. i also have life (the board game) and crash bandicoot warped for it. i have a twenty inch samsung television but no VCR or antenna. but that's because right now it's just a playstation monitor. i am not spoiled though. my posessions are not the cause of my happiness. love is the seed from which my gladness grows. i am so fortunate to have been in a mental hospital, were it not for that, i would be in danger because my father is insane. i am finally safe,
at home with my mother, my bunny, my computer-named-henry. i am going to talk to a psychiatrist or two this week. i very much want to sue Yavapai Regional Medical Center for the debts they wrongfully incurred upon my parents as well as damages because they caused so much turmoil between my parents and between my father and me. if they had sent me to a neurologist as they had led me to believe, rather than send me to a mental hospital, my life would not have been destroyed by my father nor would i have been overmedicated and misjudged at a mental hospital. i guess time will tell.
wednesday june 2 1999.
cable guy did not show up today. amy's birthday is today. i had forgotten because birthdays were never very important to me but i really hurt her feelings. god i really feel so sorry for what i did but i don't think she's forgiven me yet. ugh. i get this knot in my chest. it hurts. it hurts very badly.
i made friends with a neighbor. a dog followed me home today. the animal control still hasn't called me back. probably cause it's late at night. perhaps tomorrow they'll come and pick the dog up. it seems to be part dalmatian, and it's the tamest kindest puppy. i am trying not to get attached to it.
friday june 11, 1999
I am in love. yes oh yes i am. with elf. i can't stop smiling. he is so perfect his soul, i never thought i would fall in new love again but perhaps it was those thoughts that kept me from seeing this pure love within elf. you can read here his most recent email to me. oh man i am so glad...
august 8 friday 1999
i thought the blair witch project was real, and i didn't even see the movie. hahaha. i am single. hm. i'm happy though. calm. tired. school starts soon. eeeee. bunny is getting fat. reading many books. heart feels good. happy at home. not talking in complete sentences. except in person. more sentence fragments. writing more. singing. exercising. thinking about doing water polo and german and drama and journalism. wondering what life will be like. at peace. perhaps more growth. fatigue though. going to relax. bye.
so i have seen the blair witch project. amy isn't my friend. i am selfish and irritating. ironically, i agree and am irritated by myself for that fact. not only is life odd, i begin school on monday, and i got a bike. i named her dineh. she's a diamond back, beautiful red bike, kinda old fashioned, i just love it. she has a basket and stuff. i dunno what to expect..
so i am 16 years old now. legal in 38 states. i love my new jeans. poetry is good. i am writing some. i like someone. he likes me back. we like each other. hm.
september 24th, 1999
on wednesday i had what appeared to be a
siezure. but before that happened, i started spinning around
in circles and then walking backwards, when i fell and then
started rolling in backwards spirals. what i was experiencing
at the time felt like everyone was saying something repeatedly
and time was becoming fragmented. i was chanting something and
saying things over and over, and it seemed like i was chanting
backwards when i rolled around. i was hearing a woman singing
backwards what sounded like a disney theme song.
when i fell off the slide i hit my head very hard, but what
really hurt was my neck and butt because when i was walking
backwards i stood up on the slide and slipped because there was
water on it. i started rolling backwards up the slide and
it felt as if time kept going backwards and forwards, and then
i rolled around in spirals up to the drinking fountain, and
then the girls kept trying to help me up and then i went into
the ladies' room (this i vaguely remember) because i got dirt
all over myself. i kept asking "is my butt all wet?" and
different jibberish, and then i went out to the park to get
a drink from the fountain. i saw bright flash of white light
and i saw myself on an operating table and they were saying
"we're losing her" and i kept hearing people crying and then
i saw them holding up two paddles and they shocked me with
a defibrillator, and i saw a flash of bright white light
again and i was back in the park. i think that's why i kept
asking if i was being abducted by aliens or was i stuck
in time, or what the hell was happening to me. maybe what happ-
ened is that i briefly got stuck in an alternative consc-
iousness of mine or in another dimension or combination of
both. i mean what happened was so incredibly crazy. was it
a flash of a vision of the future? i thought maybe someone
cast a spell on me. but time kept going backwards and forward.
the next thing i knew i was being put on a gurney, and i
kept rolling over and falling down so the taped me to it,
and the officer asked me what happened and i wouldn't talk,
and then he said, "i'm just going to give you this IV." and
i said "why are you giving me an IV what are you doing to me
what the hell is happening to me?" and he said, "i'm just gonna
give you an injection of water into your bloodstream." and i
yelled out, "why are you killing me?!?!" and he said, "because
you wouldn't tell me anything." i struggled with him all the
way to the hospital but he couldn't manage to get the IV in
because i tore the tape off and he couldn't get a needle in.
i swear that part happened, it was the most vivid, him telling
me that he was going to inject me with water and answering my
question "why are you killing me?" saying "because you wouldn't
tell me anything".
here is what i wrote down once i was in the emergency room of
what i was chanting:
Don't read the golden books gershleiderspots don't read the last
goosebumps book what the hell is happening dopurz gerdishplash
gliedersputs mieder sputz and don't try to kill me what the hell
is happening to me scuzzlebackers meider shpotzers and alice in
darkmare tell me this is all a nightmare why are you repeating
yourselves why is back adding going on and gershmeiderspurts
andover that stop don't touch that the water fountain doesn't
work. you scraped yourself you were spinning around ghosting
lash don't bush ner sparks backsmeteor spucks gershleadeorsnups
black time ami falling why am ifalling down swiggyparsweeder
par spublishers disney spacks pood mishbackpug lers beardersp-
urgs and i don't think so we will only stop falling down if we
stop thinking we're pushing ourselves publisher's clearinghouse
am i being abducted by aliens i saw this bright white light
glodingslash budmin spash beardier's marx
what the hell is going on here why am i taped to a board
i don't know what to think about what happened. i slept for two
days afterward and the sequence of dreams i had were so intense
i still don't know if i was trapped in a spacetime tear or being
abducted by aliens. but having had a siezure seems extremely
at least two of the dream sequences i had were about being
abducted by aliens, one of them was about the fairgrounds, and
one was about living in the woods on a trek or something with
two friends. another was about being in this heavenly gathering
where i was playing the sitar one this instrument that didn't
even look like one, it was flat and mounted on a wall.. and
people started gathering around me because they hadn't seen it.
another dream was about running around looking for a hiding
place and then the group of us (who were middle school class-
mates) got caught burning incense which was essentially the
same as smoking pot for some reason.
one of the alien abduction dreams was extremely peaceful, in
which i was in an airport at first only like none i've ever
seen before and as i stepped outside a young man walked up to
me whom i knew was my mate, and he took my hand in his and put
his other palm over my eyes and i became like him, and suddenly
i saw who was alien and who was human. him and three or four
others told me mentally, "we came to this planet attempting to
take over the race because we saw that they were harmful, and
we wanted to change them into a race more peaceful like our-
selves. but we decided that it would be more honorable just to
alter them slightly so that they would eventually become a
civilization as advanced as ourselves, and that in approximately
two thousand years they would be. but now was our time to find
a new planet, one even more primitive, and start our colony
there and live peacefully as our own selves. there weren't
many of our own kind left, and we didn't have any left on Earth.
we had advanced earth only barely noticeably, for their tech-
nology had already taken a path toward the stage that was
needed. i stepped into their oblong and iridescent dark
multicolored ship via hovering steps that disentegrated into
nothing after we were aboard the small vessel, the size of a
two tour busses side by side, and took off, orbiting for a
brief while while we admired earth and gave it our blessing.
living as a human being had been an interesting time. i remem-
bered everything from the time of my birth until my departure.
no one living on earth knew about us, but the few who had seen
us before in visions and then written about us had met us and
became one of us only to make the decision to pass away to re-
birth as a human again, because they felt they hadn't achieved
the right to be at our level.
in the second alien abduction dream, i was like the x-files'
agent scully and the man i was working with was like agent
mulder, and we were being sent into a futuristic ship at the
Kennedy Space Center through a hard metallic door in its belly
although there were glasslike doors in the sides. it was a
disc the size of a football field and the height of about 25
stories. the metallic door opened up around us and there was
a pyramidlike circular staircase that we had to climb to get
to the second level where we were to talk to an assembly of the
foreign beings. there were many glass doors around the perim-
eter of the staircase. we kept trying to figure out a way to
get to the incinerator and then exit the vessel but there was a
time loophole that kept sending us back to the beginning, and
we kept seeing changes every time we made a loop. we figured
the reason why we were trying to get to the incinerator was
because if we managed to destroy the one thing they changed,
then when their vessel departed, time would be put back in its
place because their method of travel was tearing the spacetime
continuum in order to slip into another part of spacetime. kind
of like shooting through a manufactured wormhole. they had
changed our planet for worse on purpose, because in their past
a more advanced species had allowed us to evolve into a better
race and in our future, we defeated them. but if they managed
to change our future, they would never be destroyed and they
would have taken over the original good alien species. this
species that we were fighting so desperately were ugly and
vengeful. the original had been kind and went about their
business unnoticed by us except for a small few who worked with
them in helping our evolution. both of us managed to escape
for the first two or three loops in time, but then both of us
got stuck alternately and then i managed to escape but i had to
help my partner find the incinerator, and for some reason i went
back into the ship because i knew he was lost and that i had
to find him and destroy it and get us both out.
in the dream about the fairgrounds i dreamed that i was with
an old classmate named dustin and that we were in love but his
friends ridiculed him for it, because i was a weirdo who didn't
dress like all the other girls, and we went on the flying swings
together. we also went shopping and we decided to ditch his
friends because they were bugging us and we just wanted to enjoy
ourselves. i can remember little else except that we didn't
buy anything and the girls were annoying me, and we both started
to hate his friends and when we left some ethereal things
started happening.. like the sky began to fill with rays of
light and turn pink and something shined down onto the two of
us. it was like we were going to heaven or something.
in the dream about the woods i was with an old friend named
james and another person and we were trying to find our way
to a road or a meadow because we had woken up in the middle of
nowhere having no idea why we were in the woods but we knew
we had a destination. we saw a car that was old and decayed
and for some reason we came upon an old billboard once we found
a road but it was from the future and there was no sign of life
not even birds or bugs. like we were on another distant earth
that had aged and become a world of plants in solitude. we
assumed there must've been bugs because of the plant life and
that they were just underground or hibernating because there
was moss on some of the logs and rocks that we found ourselves
in and the soil was damp although there were few clouds anymore.
in the dream about playing the sitar, i had been walking through
what seemed like a rennaisance festival slash art gallery where
very kind well evolved humans were gathering and i saw a door to
a balcony that lead to nowhere except it had a wall on it with
a flat embroidered object on it and when i follwed the steps up
to it i was surprised that no one had noticed it yet, because
the doorway *was* slightly hidden although not that much so.
and you could only see that there was a balcony by looking thru
the doorway. so i climbed up and began plucking its strings and
the most beautiful music i ever heard, and people began to
gather around me. i knew it was my instrument, i think it had
been the end of my journey that i was supposed to find what i
had been seeking, and the people asked me if i could give it
to them as a blessing before i left forever, they spoke up to
me as if i had been their leader or an entity of higher origin
or something. i gave it to them and began to sing something
and then i vanished into thin air before their eyes.. i became
invisible and floated away, ascending. they could still hear
my voice as four of them started playing each side of the inst-
the dream i had about getting caught burning incense was with
some old middle school classmates and we were running from these
adults who were trying to keep us from finding something and
were trying to kill us, but they caught us burning incense under
a bridge and i think it was that we were worshipping something
and that paying homage to something they didn't condone was
i also had a dream where i was on a high mountain in a cabin
with two young men my age and a woman and none of us were
entirely human and we were waiting for something to happen and
we were suddenly spinning and then we fell through something,
maybe we were being shot through something.